Adult Love not Childhood Pain
The love you share or shared with your partner stems from how you learnt, felt and experienced love as a child from your main care givers..parents.
We learnt by example, so we watched and then copied them...even if it was ugly. We learnt from what we were told many times over the years as a child. We learnt by how we felt and thought from how others treated us…loveable, not loveable.
Now in an ideal world you were with parents who had a loving, respectful relationship and were compassionate, gentle, loving, supporting and encouraging of you. They were able to express, share and be consistent with their love for you. So you grew up knowing, feeling, recognising and being loved which meant loving now comes easy for you and you’re relationship reflects this.
However in the real world this is not often the case as by the time you are in a relationship for yourself you’re all ready preprogrammed and go on to repeat the pain, hurt of love that had been part of your life.
Not your fault..just didn’t know any better or didn’t know how it could be different.
There are 3 areas from childhood which when healed, rewired, dramatically alter your experience of love and the loving relationship you are in or will be in.
Self doubt
This is caused by betrayal by your parent/ parents. Telling lies, hiding the truth. Ridiculing and shaming you or each other. This creates distrust, wariness, anxiousness as you are constantly afraid of what is really going on so questioning and doubting you and them. Makes it impossible to trust yourself when they lie as you end up not trusting your own feelings.
Emotionally unstable
This is the walking on egg shells.. Never really knowing what mood they will be in. Needing to please, pacify or hide. Not sure how you need to behave, speak so you’re not pushed away. Denied love. It creates a fear of being abandoned as from one day or moment to the next it can be different. You may particularly relate to this if you had parents with alcohol, drug abuse or mental health issues.
Punishment & reward
Rewarded for good behaviour. Punished for bad behaviour. Loved if you behaviour right. Pushed away until you please them. This sets up a cycle of control where you deny your partner love or sex, or attention if they don’t give you or act in the way you want..Playing with fire this one!
You may have had an absent parent or only one parent.
The attraction is real..good or bad
You become attracted to people who trigger these emotions and feelings inside of you…both positive and negative because it’s know to you, it’s comfortable, familiar and inside you believe This is It!!
However it’s simply old chemistry, feelings going off. Your mind and body interprets it as LOVE and so does everything in it’s power to keep you there even though it’s unhealthy, painful, not working, It’s all you know so you think it’s real and you fight to keep it going ..to the death for some.
Soulmate Love is where
You feel it’s incredibly easy.
There is a peace together.
You feel you’re both on the same page..almost reading each others minds.
It is stable and consistent.
You can be yourself.
Loving acceptance for your partner.
Here are 3 remedies you can use yourself to heal the wounds and patterns from childhood and enjoy healthy adult love with your partner.
How to heal your childhood beliefs and feelings about love
I have 3 remedies which I recommend you use to clear away the past and choose the love you want..your way and that FEELS easy, loving and gentle.
Check in Remedy
This remedy has 2 steps.
Feel it inside
Act, speak for you
Notice the feeling
Learn to identify when you feel happy and when you don’t. Pay attention to how you feel inside with what’s presently happening. It’s listening to your intuition which is there for you so practice, practice.
This is very quick and easy.
If you feel good inside..lighter, happier it’s a yes for you.
If you feel unhappy, tight, anxious..it’s a no thankyou
You’ve got your answer
Now act of this and you’ll get back in touch with you and start trusting and believing in yourself.
Number 1 in a healthy loving relationships
Manifesting love Remedy
Time to be real and honest with yourself.
This remedy has 2 steps
Write down answers to questions
Say out loud daily for 21 days
10 minutes to settle
Take a pen and 4 pieces paper
Paper 1. Write down all the qualities you are attracted to in your partner present or future. eg kind, loving, listens to me, connected..
Ask yourself do you feel relaxed, peaceful, at ease with this list of qualities. x next to not a ease. Tick next to at ease.
Paper 2. Write down all you are prepared to put up with to be in a relationship.
Ask yourself do you feel relaxed, peaceful, at ease with this list of qualities. Am I prepared to say yes daily to these..
Paper 3. Write all the qualities of your parents relationship you don’t want. In a seperate column write all you do want in your relationship that you’ve seen in theirs.
Put a cross next to the ones you know are in your relationship. ( don’t want list)
Put a tick next to the ones you know are in your relationship ( do want column)
Paper 4. What do you want in your dream relationship and why it’s important to you. Write ALL in the positive.
Homework
Read paper 4 out loud to yourself daily for 21 days. You will be shifting and releasing thoughts and beliefs around the possibilties of this for you. Use The Blowing a Kiss Remedy to release emotions so new beliefs are formed.
Blowing a kiss Remedy
Identify where you withhold love.
Where you stop communicating, connecting to punish them and get them to behave.
Where you raise your voice, threaten to get them to agree.
Feel how it feels inside when you do this..to you.
The Blowing a Kiss Remedy
The remedy has 3 steps :
Notice the above feelings in your body
Choose to be free
Blow the feeling out of your body
Notice the feeling
The first step is to be aware of the feeling in your body and mind. In any moment you will notice the feeling of tension, breathlessness, headache, looping thoughts, anxiety. Be gentle when you notice this as in that moment you can choose to be free of it.
Choose to be free
Instead of swallowing the feeling, shoving it deep inside, tightening your mouth and body, spiralling into looping thoughts of anxiety. You now know you can be free of these. Your thoughts and physical feelings surface to release, not play out over and over again. You get to choose not to feel this way. You get to release it from you because you know there is peace under this.
Blow and release
You simply softly part your lips. Relax your jaw and gently blow out until all feeling has been released. Pay attention to breathing in and blowing out gently. Continue this cycle until your body feels clear and your mind has relaxed.
You can do this anywhere, anytime. Through parting your lips a little, choosing to be free of that feeling, those thoughts and beliefs. You can simply blow them out of you. This releases the feeling, taking with it the thoughts and beliefs as you reclaim your peace.
This very simple yet powerful remedy quickly addresses old patterns and beliefs. The spiritual way to a higher- vibration and energetic state that restores you to light.
Choose happiness and ease..trust this is love
We are all here to learn and grow and the main way is from our relationships as a child. These form the basis for you and how you are with others.
In a very simple way if it’s not working the it’s time to learn a new way.
Hurt and pain simply mean you’ve outgrown your life.
Listen to this. Trust yourself. Just because it was doesn’t mean it has to be forever.
It’s respect to you. It’s respectful to others to be the best, happiest, most loving you that you can.
This comes from caring for yourself, learning and growing.
Remember love is ease, peace and happiness where you shine as yourself.
Work with me and heal the past right now
Healing releases the intensity of feelings, emotions and clears thoughts and beliefs. You simply change as you are reconnected to yourself, minus your past.
